So this is Old

Growing old is not the problem, it’s being old that is horrible. I am sure there are those oldies amongst you that love it. I don’t know many.

I hate it and I am not thankful to be old. Longevity runs in my family but the thoughts of another twenty years with painful joints shuffling along with a stick and struggling to walk my dog myself does not make me anticipate a happy go lucky old age.

I am physically buggered. Árthritis in knees and feet and lower back, upper arms and shoulders.

Did I expect this? Certainly not. I thought I would get tired and nod off here and there but being in pain certainly not. Of course in truth what else can one expect? Been using this body for 74 years, and until 70 felt fair to middling apart from some heart problems  with 2 tabs twice a day has now increased to a handful morning and night.

It does make me wonder what society expects from its elderly. What the government anticipate from an aging community. There are indications from the government that we are costing the country too much even though the majority of us have been paying in national insurance and taxes since we left school. For myself starting work at 15 with only six months maternity leave at aged twenty and retiring at 65 was my investment to old age. I still pay tax on my meagre savings.

As I age I become more and more hopeful for euthanasia. Wha hoo! Much as I love my family do I want to be a burden? Do I want them watching me deteriorate into a blubbering wreck?  With any luck I might retain my lemon drops and still be able to contribute something even if they ignore me. Thankfully senility may stay on the distant horizon.

Please tell me is there anyone out there who relishes the thoughts of pickled brain, dribbling urine and crippling arthritis? If you do start your own group.

I would rather join hands with souls of like minds.

Irritable, out spoken  but speaking the truth

Two fingers to honking car horns from Zimmer framed old ladies

Sales staff who don’t look or speak respectfully

who ” tut tut” when stiff hands unsteady to pay.

Admiring technology, anxious to learn

TV  remote best in young hands when with family

Grandchildren’s hugs more needed than ever

Miss physical contact and comforts of closeness

Good conversation and intimacy of all kinds.





Author: juneyhh

I am a retired psychotherapist of 20 years working in the north of England up to my retirement in 2010 mainly because I remarried and thought at that time it was the right thing to do. Retrospectively giving up on work felt like giving up on life as I knew it. Realising since that one doesn't have to give up on something in order to build something new. Now nine years on, divorced and having moved to Cornwall Iwonder what it was all about. It's harder to start a fresh at 70, not impossible but harder.

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