A New Lease of Life

I need a new lease of life. An occasion when you become more energetic and active like grandchildren giving grandparents a new lease of life.”

I am at the stage where I can sit and do my knitting or paint my watercolour or  get off my arse and find a new life. Life is short and not always sweet. Bobbing and weaving on a great ocean where seemingly one can keep control if one works hard enough.

We are supposed to enjoy it but in the main I am not sure if many of us completely do. There seems a great number of stumbling blocks in each aspect of life. We do have  choices, some of which we might not notice. Many differing directions, relationships, career,  success or failure. In truth whenever we start out on a new path we have no real clue as to what it entails the future is a work in progress.

Just getting onto a career path can be pretty bewildering, we may go through many to reach the job we want. Take nursing,  the 60’s and 70’s. Very different from today however I loved nursing. Comradery amongst my peers. Laughter and tears and sadness. Struggling to pass exams with a staff nurse or sister post as the main prize.  Relationships and finding love was a path along side the nursing.  So much to think about when back then getting engaged and planning a life with the one you love carved memories to cherish. Having a child and watching them grow with children of their own. Watching their struggles and anxieties and now your struggle becomes a helpless one.

I seem to have lived a few lives in one.

Trying to paint a picture of my childhood in the forties and fifties is like seeing through jam jar bottom glasses. Born as the war ended and  before the formation of the health service and a time only seen through black and white movies. Children playing in the street and on some collapsed air raid shelter, pretend games and vivid imaginations were the norm. Childhood was not a good experience when your father is a violent alcoholic. Observing wide-eyed my mother desperate to placate him. Us kids in bed early and herself waiting with a rapid heart beat for his drunken return as the pubs closed.

Leaving school to start work another phase without choice and with limited options when ne’er a full weeks attendance, is a scar for the future. Fighting for a place on the career ladder was slow and arduous. Once in nursing the world changed and opportunities began to open. Could we say that was a new lease of life? I like to think so. Marriage to a wonderful man who gave me the stability I so craved and needed not truly recognised until he had gone.  Losing the love of your life to a horrible and young death turns the mind, wakes one up to the realities of life, shock waves of madness and even psychosis in the middle of the night when your all alone. Coming through that horror, is that a new lease of life?

Three years on from the nightmare and finding someone to love again, that was a new lease of life albeit a short one but then walking away ten years later , that really was a massive new life change. Now here I am back to the beginning  wondering does everyone want change and something new to happen? We are the makers of our own destiny, we are the ones who make life happen. We take life as it is thrown at us and do with it what we can. A new lease of life means taking what fate offers and making the best of it.

Now however at my age there might be many options if only I had the energy and the where with all to take the deal. I like to think I have done OK and still have a ways to go. Now it’s time again for a step up to a new lease of life.

 

Author: juneyhh

I am a retired psychotherapist of 20 years working in the north of England up to my retirement in 2010 mainly because I remarried and thought at that time it was the right thing to do. Retrospectively giving up on work felt like giving up on life as I knew it. Realising since that one doesn't have to give up on something in order to build something new. Now nine years on, divorced and having moved to Cornwall Iwonder what it was all about. It's harder to start a fresh at 70, not impossible but harder.

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